


And All the World Slows Down

by rainbowflavouredfabulous



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Agender Steve, Alternative Universe - Modern Setting, Autism, Autism Spectrum Disorder, Autistic Character, Multi, Not Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Compliant, Pietro Maximoff Lives, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-Slash, Special Interests, Steve Rogers is Not Captain America, Trans Character, Trans Steve, genderqueer Steve, meet cute, neurodivergence, neurodivergent character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-15
Updated: 2016-04-15
Packaged: 2018-06-02 11:37:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6564640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainbowflavouredfabulous/pseuds/rainbowflavouredfabulous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"What about my arm?" </p><p>"It's metal! And judging by your height an' build, you must be the Winter Soldier, formally Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes, serial number 32557038!" He almost burst with excitement. </p><p>"Just a really bad cryo dream," Bucky thought.</p><p>Or the fic where Bucky was the Winter Soldier and meets modern!autistic!Steve</p>
            </blockquote>





	And All the World Slows Down

**Author's Note:**

> bc there weren't enough mcu fics in the "autistic character" tag and i am a smol autistic nerd who likes captain america too much
> 
> this fic takes place at some point after the events of avengers: age of ultron in an au where there was no captain america bc steve was born in the early 90s but bucky was still an american soldier captured by hydra during ww2 and became the winter soldier. for this fic, work on the presumption that all of the avengers brought down project insight in ca:tws and continued to bring down hydra in a:aou. also vision doesn't exist bc jarvis still does
> 
> title from [did I flounder (ver. 1) by mirror kisses](http://music.mirrorkisses.com/track/did-i-flounder-ver-1) though [kataris by she past away](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=PCv_lsjLJdA) and [b by iamwhoiamami](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=M2WDbAFvt6A) were close contenders 
> 
> beta by soph who makes my fics readable
> 
> disclaimer: i am autistic and currently in the process of getting diagnosed. autism is a spectrum and autistic people don't all act the same way. i used myself as the basis for steve but bear in mind that autistic people won't all behave the same way

Ever since HYDRA had been toppled by the Avengers – _Anthony ‘Tony’ Stark: code name Iron Man, Bruce Banner: code name The Hulk, Thor Odinson: code name Thor, Natalia Romanova: code name Black Widow, Clinton Barton: code name Hawkeye_ \- Bucky had found that he had a lot of spare time on his hands. Having free will and not being used as a weapon tends to free up your schedule. Luckily, New York kept him busy. Whilst HYDRA in name no longer existed, there were still loyalists who believed in a new world. And then, there were just those little fuckers who thought they were invincible with an automatic gun in their hand and a kitchen knife in their pocket. Bucky liked sorting out these would-be-criminals in atonement for his innumerable wrongdoings as Mother Russia's favourite agent. These vigilante activities often found him hanging out on fire escapes, a lit cigarette hanging out of his mouth and his metal arm gleaming dully in the dim alley lights.

Bucky had been slowly fighting off muggers and assaulters throughout New York, finally deciding to return back to Brooklyn after six HYDRA-less months and numerous hours spent self reflecting. The weather was just starting to become colder after dusk but Bucky neither felt nor cared about the bitter chill; he had carried out missions in far worse and menacing conditions. He had stumbled across a block of disused buildings, probably as old as him, and had promptly found himself the most secluded fire escape there, with the best vantage points. There he lit up a Lucky, more out of nostalgia rather than any great habit or preference. Bucky noted the quiet stillness of the area, jogging the memory of late Christmas Eve, sisters overexcited and parents sighing. Before he could make his way down Memory Lane, 1939, the almost-silence was shattered by a loud cry of, "GET THE FUCK OFFA ME!"

Peering through the flimsy fire escape with all the super soldier sight he had, Bucky saw two dark figures, a scene he'd seen way too many times, thank you very much, a thief clad in black and what seemed to be a pre-pubescent boy struggling over a bag (though why the hell they were in an alleyway at that time, he would never know). Tossing his Lucky Strike to the side, Bucky jumped over the metal fencing and fell heavily onto the thief's shoulders, using his momentum to push him face first into the ground, a pained groan and copious amounts of blood leaking out of the mugger. Buck stooped down to grab the now grubby bag and handed it over to the kid.

"How about you try stay out of dark alleyways?" He commented offhandedly before turning away and lighting another cigarette.

The boy froze for a moment. ‘Wait! Your arm!" The kid shouted - _Voice: deep pitch. Indicates post-pubescent. Accent: Brooklyn. Irish undertones. Second generation Irish?_ \- in a raspy tone. "That's a- tha-," he managed to splutter out before his lungs seemingly stopped working, hands working frantically into pockets before pulling out a small contraption and bringing it up to his lips, what Bucky recognised as a modern day inhaler.

"You okay kid?" Bucky enquired, not expecting such a dirty look in return.

"I'm fine. But I'm not a kid, okay? I'm twenty. I could be as old as you- wait what was I saying earlier shit it was something important, wait! Your arm!" The ki-- man said in one continuous sentence, Bucky barely keeping up.

"What about my arm?"

"It's metal! And judging by your height an' build, you must be the Winter Soldier, formally Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes, serial number 32557038!" He almost burst with excitement.

Bucky had to do a double take, then protective mode kicked in. "What the fuck? How do you know my name?! Tell me or you'll be with that lowlife in the gutter." Bucky threatened, metal arm whirring in preparation.

"Duh, the HYDRA info dump! You're in so many folders, I've read your file a ton of times! Oh my god I can't believe I've met the actual Winter Soldier, I'm gonna have to visit Mom's grave this weekend and tell her all about this, this is amazing!" The blond man grinned, his free hand flapping and cornflower blue eyes wide. "You're my favourite assassin! I can't believe how you killed JFK and those Black Widows you trained in the Red Room? I read all the files on it and woah, it was amazing and-," Bucky started to block out his voice, focusing on the slowly stirring noises nearby.

"Hey ki-- punk. If you shut up for the next couple of minutes, I'll tell you everything, understand?" Bucky interrupted, hoping to shake him off at some point. The blond shut up immediately, stuffing his hands back into the pockets of his dirty hoodie.

"Wait, when you say a couple of minutes, do you actually mean two minutes or something else because Sam says sometimes neurotypicals don't say what they mean and when they say a couple of minutes they actually mean a lot longer or sometimes even shorter."

Jesus fucking Christ, this kid talks way too fast, Bucky thought, still adjusting to something other than mission orders.

"Three minutes. Three minutes until we get out of here and then you can ask me anythin' you want. Scout's honour." Bucky promised.

"Okay, we should probably get outta here. I reckon there's about four people about to check what's happenin' 'round here, sounds like office workers if their shoes are anything to go by." The punk concluded. Bucky started walking away from the street, delving further into the alleyway.

"C'mon, we'll jump the fence and circle round." Bucky stated as he walked past the thief and kicked him heavily in the face, blooding streaming out of his nose. Bucky could hear the ki-blond man following him and took a running jump at the metal fence, reaching over it to grab to grab at the skinny torso and bring him over it, trying not to crush it with the metal arm.

"Alright, you can speak now," Bucky said, now walking out of the other alleyway with the other man lagging slightly at his side, "what's your name?"

"Steve. What should I call you? He asked tentatively, eyes still wide at the fact that _holy fucking shit, it's the Winter Soldier_

"You can call me Bucky. Last time I was James was 1935 when I moved outta my parent's place.”

He paused for a moment. “Hey Steve, you can keep this on the low down, right? I don't think America will take well to one of their own soldiers-turned-assassin bein' back on the streets."

"You want me to keep this a secret? I can do that. Can I ask you more questions?"

"Go ahead," Bucky sighed, already regretting this and turning left at the opening of the alleyway

"Did you kill Gerald Bull?"

"Yes."

"Did you kill Andrey Lukanov?"

"Yes."

"Did you kill Piotr Jaroszewicz?"

"Yes."

"Did you kill Pavle Bulatović?"

"I'm not the only assassin in the world! I thought you read all my files in the infodump?" Bucky accused.

"Those files ain't that good. Most of them are censored or they don't make any sense. I hate things like that, just tell me what the fuck you're saying!" Steve proclaimed, mouth pouting in annoyance. “So did you kill Pavle Bulatović?”

“Might have done.” Bucky grinned.

"Why are you so obsessed with me anyway?" The former assassin questioned, not quite sure of wanting to know the answer.

"Oh! Well, superheroes are my main special interest, the Second World War's one of my minor ones, especially assassinations and here I am, talkin' to the best assassin in all of living history!!" Steve almost shouted, happiness almost ready to burst out of him, Bucky's lips quirking into a half-smile, unable to stop Steve's contagious excitement.

"That's swell. Do you like anything else?"

"Art's pretty damn amazin'. I work at the art store six blocks away from here and it's quiet most of the time so I get to draw and paint and the owner of it was a scientist during the Second World War and he tried to make a supersoldier serum but I guess you know all about the serum?"

"Damn right I do. I once saw a guy take his entire fuckin' face off 'cause the serum melted it off."

"No way!"

"I'm not kiddin'. We got involved in some weird shit during the war, lemme tell you that."

"Really? What was it like? Like, actually like? 'Cause history books are good but I bet they ain't got shit on you," Steve responded with a grin.

"Well, the fella who ripped his face off tried making this serum but he completed fucked it up so he had this mask on and when I got rescued outta Azzano, he basically pulled an evil monologue out of his ass and ripped this mask off and hell, I can tell you Steve, that Schmidt guy was called the Red Skull for a reason. He had a crimson fuckin’ face."

"Holy fuckin' shit," Steve murmured, "uh, my place is only 'round the corner. Peggy said to offer people drinks to be polite so would you like to come round and have a drink?"

Having a drink was not something Bucky did often. He stole bottles of water and occasionally treated himself to coffee so black he could almost feel – hell, even taste and smell! - like he was back in the 1930s. But here he was, in 21st century NYC, walking around the city with a guy he just rescued from a mugging, who would probably fall over if the wind was too stiff. Bucky felt something warm grow within him. Perhaps not happiness, it wasn't that fuzzy. He was still hiding from vengeful governments and groups, who were all determined to give him the cold shoulder, seeing him as the world's most effective assassin, not as the world's longest prisoner of war. But this feeling was something almost akin to comfort, as strange a concept sounded to him.

"Yeah, I'll take that drink. Do you need me to carry anything?" Bucky asked as he noticed Steve leaning to one side slightly.

"Don't worry, I can carry my own shit," Steve answered gruffly, shoving the strap of his satchel further up in his shoulder and dropping his feet slightly heavier with each step. "What a punk," Bucky thought.

"Ah shit, they're already here," Steve sighed.

"What?" Bucky asked eloquently.

"Look up there," Steve ordered, Bucky's gaze following Steve's outstretched arm towards an apartment on the fourth floor of a fairly old building, light streaming out of windows, "there's a bunch of people 'round here who like to crash at my place and normally they wait for me to get home but apparently not," Steve harrumphed.

"Do you want me to get rid of them? I'm pretty good at that." Bucky responded, flexing the metal arm and hearing it whir quietly.

"Nah, I offered you a drink, can't go back on it. Here, we'll make our way up, elevator's broken," he said, yanking the door to the apartment block open. Before they started to climb up the stairs, Steve shoved his hand into his pocket and brought out his inhaler again, Bucky noticing how much smaller they'd got.

"Y'know, you probably wouldn't have survived the Depression with all your health problems."

"Sometimes I wonder whether I'll survive this recession with my health insurance," Steve pushed out, already breathing hard, only three flights up.

"Woah, woah, okay, don't pass out," Bucky requested, pulling Steve down to sit down on a step, flesh hand a steady presence on the blond's back, "breathe with me. In," inhale, "out," exhale. Inhale exhale repeat. Inhale exhale repeat.

"Better?"

"Better," Steve repeated, still slightly flustered but breathing slower.

"This is only a suggestion and I know you're a punk so you probably won't take it but I can carry your shit. It won't burden me, okay? I used to carry two dozen weapons on me and that's without all the Kevlar they dressed me up in."

"Only up the staircase?" Steve asked.

"Only up the staircase."

"Deal," Steve took off his satchel and shoved it into Bucky's arms.

Pushing the bag up his shoulder, Bucky followed Steve up the staircase, listening to his breathing just in case, whilst thanking some deity or another that his breathing was steady and strong-ish.

"This is my apartment. Satchel, please," Steve pointed to a door and got his bag in return.

"Sounds pretty loud. You sure you don't want me to check the place out?"

"It's okay. They're normally quieter when I'm there or I take my hearing aids out, the majority of 'em know sign language," Steve said, rummaging through his satchel and flourishing a key with a large amount of keychains, ranging from photos to zips to some strange plastic vegetable shaped thing, before pushing a key into various places that wasn't the lock.

"I left my glasses at work, can you unlock my door please?"

Not trusting his metal arm to be gentle enough, Bucky held the key (with all its loud keychains) in his other hand and opened the apartment door to a very different world.

"Rogers! You've finally graced us with your presence!" A dark haired man with a complicated beard exclaimed. "And who is Tall, Dark and Mysterious?"

"This is Bucky. James Buchanan Barnes, formerly known as the Winter Soldier." Steve explained as he hung up his coat and satchel.

"The Winter Soldier? As in the guy who violently assassinated my parents when I was a tiny genius?"

"If you're Anthony Stark, code name Iron Man, then yeah I violently assassinated your parents. But I was kinda under the control of evil Nazis who would torture me if I didn't do what they wanted, so sorry for that."

"Water under the bridge, dear old Dad was a bit of an egotistical dick anyway.”  
“ergh-runsinthefamily-cough-cough”, Bucky’s ears pricked as one of Steve’s friends coughed the phrase as they shuffled past. Tony ignored it and continued.  
“Nice to know my reputation precedes me. Tony Stark, genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist and also the guy who pays Steve's rent," Tony said, pushing his left hand out to shake Bucky's. "Nice HYDRA tech. I bet I could do better. Come on in, everyone else is waiting for you, Steve."

After shedding a coat, Steve indicated to Bucky where to go. "It might be a bit loud in there but if you tell them to be quiet most of the time, they'll do it. They know how loud things are for me."

Trailing behind Steve, Bucky wasn't quite sure what to expect. Because it sure as hell wasn't Earth's Mightiest Heroes and various other enhanced humans.

"Steven! You're late for our festivities! Who is this fierce warrior you've invited?" A large blond exclaimed - _Thor Odinson, code name Thor_ \- hugging a petite woman next to him.

"This is Bucky," Steve announced loudly, the various guests in the apartment quietening, "he used to be the Winter Soldier and he punched an' kicked a guy who tried to steal my satchel. Saved my ass.”

"Well I guess I'm not the only vigilante in New York." A voice piped up from the back.

Steve visibly brightened. "Matt! I didn't expect you, you don't normally take nights off unless you're bleeding out somewhere."

"Foggy more or less pushed me out of the door and told me to "socialise or else I'll give you something to talk about at confession"." Matt smiled.

"A violent confession or a sexual confession?" Someone shouted.

"Could be either," Matt smirked, to surprised gasps and then wolf whistling and "you go Mattie!"

"That's Matt Murdock. He's Daredevil an' he does so much cool stuff an' he's blind an' he saved Hell's Kitchen," Steve murmured into Bucky's ear on his tiptoes.

"Well Matt, here I was thinking you were a good Catholic boy," a man with salt and pepper hair quipped. "Tony's having too much of an effect on you."

"Oh Green Giant you're here, I need to talk to you about quantum relativity, I think I came across something!" Tony said, precariously holding a full cocktail glass. A ginger woman power walked up to Tony and took the cocktail from him.

"Drunk science is never happening again, thank you very much. Steve, it's been so long," she smiled, kissing him on the cheek, "it's wonderful to meet you, James. I'm Pepper Potts, I'm the CEO of Stark Industries and the one who keeps Tony on a metaphorical leash. The other one's Bruce, he's a scientist like Tony but doesn't tend to blow things up. He's the Hulk when he's not Bruce and he's quite scary but Bruce is a sweetheart, even if he spouts out a lot of science-y words."

Bucky felt the need to take a hat off in respect for such a beautiful dame and instead just stood there gawping.

"Don't worry, I reacted that way when I first saw Pepper. She's very pretty and I like her." Steve commented.

"You're adorable. Can I hug you?" After Steve nodded in the affirmative, Pepper wrapped her arms around him tightly before kissing him again on the forehead. "I better go make sure drunk science isn't happening in the kitchen. Have you heard from Phil? I thought he was going to bring his team tonight."

"I got a text as I was leavin’ work, they got called in for a 0-8-4 somewhere in Central Asia and Skye sent a Snapchat of FitzSimmons settin' something on fire so probably something important."

Steve tugged on Bucky's jacket to get him to follow him to the kitchen. Waving widely, Steve made eye contact with a sandy haired man and started moving his hands quickly - American Sign Language - with a grin on his face. Although Bucky was fluent in at least seven languages, ASL was not one he had yet mastered. Dropping his hands, Steve turned to Bucky. "This is Clint. He's Hawkeye occasionally but most of the time he's a human disaster slash the reason most pizza places are still operating. And the person next to him is-"

"Natalia Alianovna Romanova, code name Black Widow. I trained her and other Black Widow agents in the Red Room." Bucky interrupted.

The room fell silent.

"Well that saves spoons on socialising and introducin' people," Steve noted.

"I know pretty much everyone here. If you weren't a target of HYDRA, I researched you after HYDRA was brought down. I trained Romanova when I was the K.G.B's asset and they wanted child assassins.

Jane Foster, world class astrophysicist, romantically involved with Thor.

Darcy Lewis, intern to Doctor Foster, currently majoring in political science at Culver University.

The Maximoff twins, Pietro and Wanda, code names Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch. Experimentation subjects and initially allies of HYDRA but defected following the Battle of Sovokia.

Colonel James Rhodes, code name War Machine, engineer in US Air Force and formally a Stark Industries liaison.

And this person I do not know."

"I'm nobody, I just take all of Steve's booze."

Steve tapped Bucky's flesh shoulder, "that's Jessica Jones. She saved a lot of people."

"I just got revenge on my mind controlling rapist, okay?" Jessica stated before guzzling half the bottle of bourbon.

"And you happened to save the majority of New York as well. Where's Luke?" Steve asked.

"Tryna find somewhere he can start a bar again since his last one got blown up under mind control. Now if you don't mind, I'm gonna go sit on your roof and get drunk." Jessica replied.

"Fine by me. You should eat something though. I don't want you to be hungry." Steve protested.

"I can get caterers in." Howar- no - Tony pointed out.

"Tony no." Pepper firmly stated.

"Tony yes."

Steve turned to Bucky, eyes just avoiding Bucky's own. "Are you hungry?"

Bucky took a quick inventory of his body's state. "Hunger: bordering on decreased function."

"Is that a yes or a no?" The blond pressed on further.

"He means he needs to eat before he passes out. He's doing what I did after coming out of the Red Room. It's hard to tell whether you're human enough to feel hunger after being used as a weapon for years." Natasha helpfully suggested. "Steve's groceries should be delivered tomorrow but there'll be leftovers and I left some lymonnyk pie in the fridge. Do you need me to cook?"

"I'm pretty sure I look after myself, I've survived over a year without anyone mothering me." Bucky mentioned.

"Well, clearly not," Steve deadpanned, "you've lost muscle since HYDRA was discovered in S.H.I.E.L.D and the bags under your eyes indicate an increase in cortisol, which makes me think you haven't had a decent night's sleep in a long time. When was the last time you slept for more than four hours?"

"Probably 1993, HYDRA didn't have that many enemies that year so I was asleep for about four months. That long enough?" Bucky deadpanned back.

Clint's hand started moving quickly again, Steve replying instantaneously until Clint loudly sighed and leant back into the couch.

"You're staying here tonight. And you're eating. And showering." Steve stated firmly.

"That an order?"

Steve frowned and walked over to Natasha, his head landing on her shoulder.

"He's suggesting it. He's just low on spoons and hasn't had time to recharge. Steve. Wanna go listen to music in your room? We'll sort Bucky out here," Natasha explained, to which Steve made a noise of agreement before moving away from the group and behind a door Bucky presumed to be a bedroom.

"Is he like that often?" Bucky questioned.

Natasha breathed deeply before answering. "Depends on the type of day he's had. Meeting you probably replaced a spoon or two but you're still a new person so that'll take at least two spoons."

"Spoons?"

"Spoon theory, we'll explain it later. Will you stay?" The redhead pushed further.

"Will he be disappointed in me if I don't?" Bucky questioned before a plate crammed with food was shoved into his hands by Thor with a hearty instruction to "fill your stomach, Soldier of Winter!"

Stark stood up, this time holding a glass half full whisky with ice. Gesturing with his glass dramatically, he said, "he'll be disappointed but I doubt it'll be the last time he comes across that with you," to which Bucky raised his eyebrows and started picking at the food piled on his plate.

"Our friend Steve here seems to have a knack of running into superheroes. Or being rescued by them. Or having his place broken into by a bleeding and nearly dead vigilante."

"It was literally only one time, Tony." Matt announced from his seat.

Tony looked over at Matt before rolling his eyes. "You saved him, probably from being beaten up yet again. Steve gets into fights like he needs to defend his honour. His honour's intact but he's not particularly healthy and honestly, he should probably be wrapped up in bubble wrap. Pepper, can that be done?"

Bucky heard a faint "no" from the balcony.

"Is it safe here?", Bucky questioned, not exactly wanting to be woken up by the forces that be, demanding his return to a life of assassinations or his execution.

Clint looked up, mouth ajar in preparation for the pizza slice in his hands. "Apart from Tony's tower, it's probably the safest place in the country. There's a security system directly linked to Jarvis who monitors 24/7 and everything here's been reinforced in case of some kind of attack," he explained.

Darcy spoke up, "Steve's special interest is superheroes and we've all somehow met him. Part of the danger of hanging out with Earth's Mightiest is that there's a chance he'll get kidnapped, attacked or killed. Perks of being an honorary Avenger; some guy once tried to kidnap me but I tased him and kicked him in the crotch."

Bucky blinked blankly. "This must be just a really bad cryo dream," he groaned into his hands.

"Unfortunately not, Ice Ice Baby. If you stay here, not only will you be safe but Steve'll be really happy in the morning," Stark responded.

Everyone else slowly leaned forward or came within Bucky's space.

"If you're staying here, there's some stuff you need to know." Bruce started.

"If he doesn't make eye contact, don't force him to look at you in the eye."

"He'll probably stim in front of you, it's fine so long as he isn't hurting himself."

"If he doesn't respond to you talking, he's not being rude, he just doesn't know how to respond."

"Try to avoid sarcasm, he'll use it but sometimes he doesn't understand other people using it."

"If he shuts down, just leave him alone. He probably won't talk to you but if he feels safe, he might sit next to you but don't get offended if he hides in his room."

“Just a cryo dream. Just a really fucking bad cryo dream,” Bucky muttered to himself around a mouthful of food.

“Oh and he has asthma attacks, if he has one, get him his inhaler and see if he’s got his binder on, it’ll restrict the airflow.”

“Binder?” Bucky asked, once again questioning his life decisions.

The door to the bedroom opened with Steve looking slightly brighter. “I’m agender. I was assigned female at birth but I never really felt like a girl and then I found out about all these non-binary genders an' suddenly somethin' clicked. I don't like hospitals so I don't think I'll ever get surgery done but I'm on birth control to surpress my periods and I wear a binder so my chest is flat otherwise my dysphoria gets a lot worse and I lose spoons and these guys helped me lower my voice without going on T. I like he pronouns best but I'll respond to most."

“The future is a very different place, amirite or amirite,” Clint joked before a strange, disembodied voice spoke, “I apologise for the interruption bu-”.

Bucky brought out a gun from the waist of his jeans and abruptly shot in the direction of the voice.

“Hey don't hurt J.A.R.V.IS!” Tony protested before a blue mirage appeared in front of Bucky and Bucky’s hand was mysteriously empty.

“Nice gun,” Pietro noted with a grin, "but Steve doesn't like loud noises."

“Okay, how about we give all life threatening weapons to Pepper, she’s looking a bit hot round the edges." Tony helpfully suggested.

Steve poked Bucky in the chest as high as he could reach the six foot something assassin. "Don't shoot J.A.R.V.I.S! He's an A.I and he controls everything. He's safe, even if you can't see him."

"You promise?" Bucky questioned with a raise of his eyebrows.

"I trust him as much as I trust you," Steve attempted to say before yawning loudly. Immediately everyone started to finish their drinks, wash up and pick their belongings, Matt putting his head out of the window to tell Jessica to get off Steve's roof and leave.

Everyone had gathered by the hall, Steve being the recipient of many a hug and promises to come over again. After Jessica had finally jumped back in through the window, thrusted the empty bottle into Bucky's hand and stalked out of Steve's apartment, the only people left were Steve, Bucky and Natasha, the apartment finally much quieter. Natasha gathered Steve into her arms and asked ,"Are you fine with the circumstances?" as she playfully ruffled his hair. Steve nodded and she let him go.

"James. Walk me to the door." Whilst shocked, Bucky complied and honestly wasn't that surprised when Natasha brought out a knife from under her skirt before pushing it against Bucky's neck. "You hurt him, I use your training to hurt you. Understood?" Natasha threatened, to which Bucky nodded calmly, used to far worse than a small knife. She removed the knife from his neck and found her jacket. "Bye Steve! I should be back tomorrow, usual time but I think J.A.R.V.I.S was trying to inform Stark of a mission so I'll text you at 8am if plans change," Natasha stated as she closed the door behind them.

Whilst a regular human wouldn't have heard him, Bucky's hearing was enhanced and heard the creek of the floorboards under Steve's feet, turning round to see Steve pushing a folded-up towel towards him, the message clearly understood, "you should probably shower." Super soldier = super sweat.

-

Whilst Steve's shower was small, the water was hot enough to make Bucky's skin red, Bucky was hissing as the water hit bruises and cuts. The bathroom was very well stocked and Bucky took the opportunity to shave, feeling slightly more human, hair freshly washed and body rid of built-up dirt. Bundling his clothes together, Bucky escaped from the humid steam of the bathroom to change in Steve's room, not quite expecting Steve to be sat against the bathroom door, head bent to play some game on his phone before pocketing it and standing up. Bucky noticed again how short Steve was when he barely reached Bucky's shoulder, staring at the red star, not with fear or clinical interest but with excitement, smiling brightly and flapping his hand as Bucky stepped aside to let Steve close the bathroom door behind him. With only a towel round his waist, he was still surprisingly warm, thanks to the supersoldier serum. Like his bathroom, Steve's bedroom was small but cosy, with artwork haphazardly scattered on any service available and various posters of superheroes Bucky recognised from the earlier gathering plastered across the walls. Piled on top of the mess that was Steve's duvet were crispy folded clothes with a Post-It note on top of the shirt.

_These should fit, enjoy your stay_  
_\- Pepper :)_

Although obviously pre-worn, the pyjamas were comfy, warm and most importantly clean. Life on the run from Nazi off-shoot organisations didn't lend itself to cleanliness but now, in clean clothes and freshly showered, Bucky felt slightly more human again. Nevertheless, Bucky took two knifes from his tattered jeans and tucked them into the waistband of his flannel trousers. He may be a recovering assassin but emphasis on recovering. Years of torture, brainwashing and capture don't just disappear as soon as freedom was achieved or when Bucky got his revenge on past handlers, methodically killing them all. He didn't make them suffer - he wouldn't stoop down to their level - but if their last vision was that of the Winter Soldier, the fabled ghost story, hunting down HYDRA like his prey - well, he wasn't going to stop doing that and see the fear in their eyes, just as he pointed the barrel between their eyes and shot them point blank, before they could crush the cyanide pills in their mouths and rid Bucky of his satisfaction.

The bathroom door opened and Bucky exited Steve's room, steam quickly dispersing into the corridor. Whilst it was small on Bucky, an identical towel on Steve completely covered and shapingly wrapped around his body, in a cute sorta way that a newly recruited Sergeant James Barnes would have once called a swell and good-looking dame, who was walking and laughing along the sidewalk in the sunset. Whilst Steve was drying, Bucky surveyed the apartment, checking for any blind spots, where would be best for defence, any potential hiding spots for someone tired of chasing the Winter Soldier. Although not entirely relaxed, some of the tensions eased from Bucky's shoulders when he realised he was probably safe. It wasn't initially obvious, but Steve's fairly small and seemingly normal apartment was subtly defended from any threats; windows were reinforced, open plan rooms reduced the number of hiding spots. Bucky noticed more art supplies in the living room and even more sprawled across the kitchen counter but his attention was diverted by Steve entering the living room. Bucky only had on a pair of flannel trousers and an undershirt that exposed his metal arm but Steve had full length pyjamas on **and** a hoodie **and**  a blanket wrapped round him. He curled up on the sofa after picking up his glasses - replacements, Bucky presumed as Steve carefully balanced them on his nose with the air of someone used to glasses - from the coffee table and pushing them on, turning the news on the TV, volume low and with subtitles on, Bucky noted.

It wasn't until a couple of minutes had passed and Bucky had given up on the news (which surprisingly didn't talk about him as he had noted when he first fled from the wreckage in the Potomac) that he saw out of the corner of his eye from his end of the sofa where he was curled up that Steve was shivering underneath all those layers.

"You cold?"

"Yeah," Steve replied as he turned to face Bucky with his eyes focused on the wall behind the brunet, " 'm always cold. Shit circulation."

Whilst Bucky wasn't quite used to Steve's behaviour, he was beginning to understand his mannerisms and quirks.

"Serum keeps me warm all the time. Super metabolism or some bullshit like that," he commented. Steve didn't make any response, verbal or otherwise and continued to watch the news.

"Do you want me to warm you up?" Bucky offered, hoping Steve wouldn't take it as an attack on his pride but instead was pleasantly surprised when Steve nodded slowly and moved to the other end of the sofa, curled up against Bucky, head against his right arm.

"Christ, you're colder than a fuckin' cryofreeze chamber and I spent years in those," Bucky hissed as his skin slowly became desensitised to how cold Steve was, even through all those goddamn layers. "C'mere," he said as he brought his feet back down on the floor and bundled Steve onto his lap and tucked the blanket tighter round him. Steve seemed to be happy with this and smiled softly. He really was pretty with the soft light of the TV splashed against his face and a contented smile.

"Could you put your arms around me tightly please?" Steve requested without explanation. Bucky complied and Steve seemed even happier, skin slowly warming up from the heat radiating from Bucky.

"Any particular reason why?"

"I like the pressure. I'm saving up for a weighted blanket even though Pepper says she'll get one for me if I want it but then I feel bad for taking her money even if it's technically Tony's."

"That's pretty damn noble of you," Bucky pondered, with no reply from Steve. He tucked the smaller person under his chin and tightened his arms further without complaint from Steve. The blond was yawning more frequently and ended up with his body limp against Bucky's as he fell asleep. Bucky really shouldn't have closed his eyes, who knows what kind of danger could be lurking, but he felt safe and calm and his eyelids felt impossibly heavier and heavier as he tried to stay awake. Eventually though, it was just too much hard work and he gave up on keeping his eyes open.

-

Bucky woke suddenly, body tense and ready for any threat before he realised it was only a slamming door in the apartment next door that woke him up. His muscles relaxed again after a few minutes, as he familiarised himself with the flat. From the soft light shining through the windows, he guessed that it was early morning, maybe 6am, and he still had Steve tucked up in his arms, glasses somehow still on his face, all wonky on his nose. Bucky slowly removed the glasses and slid them onto the coffee table before burying his face into Steve's neck and shifting him into a more comfortable position before the both of them woke up again with sore necks (even the serum can't stop that). It wasn't perhaps the best idea, staying in a civilian's apartment and sleeping with said civilian in his lap but hell, it had been a long time since Bucky felt so safe and comfortable and if it meant sharing his body heat with a tiny asthmatic punk who got excited over superheroes, he could live with it. It was worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> all assassinated people mentioned in this fic are real people who were actually assassinated 
> 
> the strange vegetable shaped thing on Steve's keys is an [infinite popping edamame keychain charm from stimtastic](http://www.stimtastic.co/stim-toys/infinite-popping-edamame-keychain) (hint i really want it and everything else stimtastic sells) (2018 edit: AFTER TWO YEARS I FINALLY FUCKING GOT IT AT A CONVENTION)
> 
> "spoons" refers to [spoon theory](http://monsterau.tumblr.com/post/109610259216) which is used by disabled people to express that their energy is limited compared to abled people. i myself prefer to use a different system that requires less maths. the link above is to a low spoons-friendly explanation of it
> 
> particularly on tumblr, it has been noted that especially for those who were assigned female at birth (like myself, a demiboy), they identify as a non-binary gender, hence in this fic, steve is agender 
> 
> i'm on [tumblr!](http://www.lostlibraryofalex.tumblr.com)


End file.
